Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
