I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
