Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
