u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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