I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
