i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is my gift to your gina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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