census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize