using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
