I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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