You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
