I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
