Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
