Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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