Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
