I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize