you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
