My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
