k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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