Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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