So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
