I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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