is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
