I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
