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I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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