I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
