I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
