Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
