her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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