Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
