I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
