the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He shit in the fireplace
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
