That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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