Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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