corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
