Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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