just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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