My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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