Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
