Heybabeimwearingurpanties
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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