i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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