Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
