I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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