You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
