My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
