I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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