I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
