YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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