well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
