I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize