Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
