I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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