I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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