Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
