SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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