Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
