Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
