I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
