Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
