You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize