they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I touched a dick in church today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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