Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
