I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
