Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
