so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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