if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
