You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
