dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
