i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize