seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
