I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
