please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
