how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize