he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
