We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
