worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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