If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
