She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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