she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
