I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
