P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
