Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
