evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize