this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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