like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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