after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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