shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
