Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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