I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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