It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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