i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize