it hurts more in the daytime
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
