now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
