bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
