that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Text me some of your sweat
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
