you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
